Update: I believe my episode will be airing on September 13th, Bravo Channel at 10pm after Project Runway.

I'm a little nervous because they did a whole lot of taping to be cut down to basically 40 minutes, but my hope is that my message is 1) every woman deserves to feel as good as I did/do at any shape, color, age and size and 2)style is not only the clothes you drape on your body, but how you choose to project yourself to the world. I was pretty adament about not representing my story as my life was horrible when I was heavier and fabulous now that I'm lighter because that is SO NOT what I am about.

I can't talk about it too much until it airs, but it was a once in a lifetime experience that I consider myself so lucky to have been a part of and I'm so glad I had the hutzpah to go through it. There were some embarrassing moments but there were some incredible moments. I really feel like I believe in the advice that was given to me and that it does make a difference. I went into the whole thing with the attitude of "WOO HOO new clothes!"; but came out of it with a boost of confidence, self esteem and even a little pride at the hard work I have done. It meant a lot to me to have been selected at the size and shape I am right now...not a project runway model, but more a real representation of today's woman - height, weight and even fashion budget.

I caught this little clip of an advertisement of Dog the Bounty Hunter of all things and Dog says "any day you can wake up and be or do whatever you want to". Though I talk that talk, I think the show has helped me to walk that walk as well. It's one thing to *try* to believe in yourself and another thing to put that big ole maztoh ball out there and show yourself for who you are regardless of what the criticism is going to be. I was brought up in a very "hide your light under a bushel" environment where striving for #1 sometimes meant being criticized for the missing 3 points instead of praised for the 97. I hope that the way I feel now carries on well beyond the taping of the show because I think it's that spirit and style that moves people and brings about positive energy and even inspiration and change!

There was definitely a little post partum let down when it was all over. I got to feel the hustle and bustle of backstage and having fun putting on a show (I even sang out a little number off camera at the end of the week and Tim came running out of his dressing room and was so amazed and upset I hadn't told him about the singing as he said it was just a whole other dynamic to me and he felt he missed out on that whole aspect!), and I got to meet some truly wonderful people. You never know where things lead and I hope that if nothing else, this is a new start to just paying a little more care and attention to my self and not being embarrassed or ashamed to be me...all of me. We are truly the sum of all our parts and that's our style, our character and charisma! Style and beauty goes beyond the surface..the clothes, silhouette and right fit just enhance the powerful essence of what is each of us.

A few weeks later and I'm still keeping up with the make up and styling etc. Most people who are mentioning or complimenting the difference are going one step further than just the physical..they are saying that I'm "glowing" or "confident" or "happy". And that's how I feel. I feel like these feelings and feelings of worth were all always on the inside, but somehow trapped. Like in the past I have needed to apologize for being smart or attractive or funny etc. It's like all of a sudden I have given myself permission to stand tall and acknowledge my self worth. It's not horn tooting, but it's just being honest and positive and letting that present itself on the outside...where people were more engaging with me after I lost weight, they are even more so now. I even feel more confident in my decisions for the future and where we stand with making some big changes. Only time will tell if these are feelings that are here to stay but I certainly hope so!!

Anyway, I hope you will be able to celebrate a little with me for many of you have walked some of my walk and know my "story" and that I've come a long way from a not so shiny place.

JeAnne